I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
