She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
