Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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