Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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