It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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