Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
