Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
