they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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