I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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