I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
