A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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