you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
