I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize