Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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