yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
