chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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