White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
