hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
