I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
