Just fell off a train. Bad.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
