Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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