I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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