But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
