I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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