You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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