I got chris browned last night
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
