How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize