brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
