I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize