okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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