so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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