Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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