composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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