i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
