How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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