I hate your face
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
