I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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