Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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