dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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