So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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