dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i believe in u and ur pee
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