Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize