I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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