I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
