first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
