I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the day after is always just damage control
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
