we're blogging at a bar
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
