i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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