i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
