I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
