well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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