one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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