The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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