my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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