I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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