His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
