You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
