Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize