PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Only a mothe r could love this liver
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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