I faked an abortion last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
