Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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