why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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