so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need moral support for this bender
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
