just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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