I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
