at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
