So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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