Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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