Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
