ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
